Friday, September 10, 2010

My Father's Blessing

Last Sunday afternoon
            I received my father’s blessing.

I had called Mom and Dad on the phone.

We were talking about Mom’s recent diagnosis
            of Alzheimer’s disease.
It was a touching conversation,
            and both my parents were fully engaged.
They spoke of approaching each day
            with the expectation of happiness,
                        based on God’s goodness.
And on the simple delight of a shared day
            after 60 years of life together.

I told them that I wished I could be with them,
            to be more supportive in these challenging days.

Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere,
            Dad said, I’m so proud of you.”

What was that again?

I said nothing
            and began to weep as Mom continued talking.

I’ve waited all my life to hear that!
            Dad has told me “I love you,”
                        but this is my first time to hear
                             I’m proud…
                                      Wow!

From childhood I’ve waited.

He was the master carpenter, skilled with his hands.
            I could never measure up.
I remember his expressions
            of frustration and disappointment.
Those words and expressions have lingered
            like weights all these years.

Four years ago I brought them
            a book of 50 old hymn texts
                        for which I had written new tunes.
He seemed to pay no attention to it at all.
            I was crushed by his indifference.
                        I was angry.
                                    He didn’t understand, I think.

But now I have the I’m proud…
            I had given up ever expecting
                        to hear that from him.

Something has been released within me,
            something powerful…

Dare I say it?
            I wonder if some demon
                        has been exorcised from my life.

In their book The Blessing,
            John Trent and Gary Smalley offer a look
                        at the life-changing gift
                                    which the Bible calls “the blessing.”
            The unconditional love and approval
                        that come with a parent’s blessing
                                    can be important elements
                                                in our emotional well-being.

I’ve got it now!
            And no one can take that away from me! 

2 comments:

  1. Gary, this is a very poignant post, even though there is little else I can say. A father's disapproval is something that can really hurt and mark your life for a while. But a father's blessing will uplift you permanently.

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  2. Thanks, Philip, yes, that's true. I don't think at all that Dad was purposefully withholding his blessing. It's just one of those things that has eaten away at me when I let it. I don't think I was crippled by its being withheld, but I am freed somehow, now that he's expressed his pride...

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